Researched and written by Phil Scully @ HelpuCymru

If we are honest, talking about mental health, especially when it is about something heavy like suicidal thoughts, can feel awkward. There are men who will have had these thoughts, who it may feel more normal to, but for those guys who haven’t, approaching their friend or engaging in that conversation can feel like speaking in another language.

These conversations can feel tough for anyone, but for men, it’s often wrapped up in the “man up” nonsense society loves to push, and a serious lack of education around how to connect.

But here’s the deal: sometimes we need to push through the bullshit, to help our friends.

So how do we do that?

1. The reminder

We all do it…assume our friends know we’ve got their back when they need it. But when someone’s anxious and spiraling, they’re not exactly thinking straight. They might even convince themselves no one actually cares. So take a second to remind your friend that you’re there.

When was the last time you texted just to check in? If you’re drawing a blank, shoot him a quick message: “Hey, I’m always here if you need to talk.” It’s simple, but it could make all the difference. Of course, you might feel awkward in the first instance, but making it a common part of the conversation can have a massive impact

2. Embrace the awkward silence

When someone’s trying to share their darkest thoughts, they might not be able to spit it out right away, especially, if like many other men, its a conversation they’ve never had. It’s not going to be an easy or quick conversation. Yeah, it might feel weird sitting there in silence, but don’t rush to fill it with advice or “it’ll be alright” comments.

That silence? It’s space. Space for him to think, process, and speak when he’s ready. Just be there, chill, and let him find his words.

3. Joking aside

We are notorious for turning serious stuff into jokes, especially about mental health. We have the ‘boys don’t cry’ lesson to thank for that. For many, these jokes are like dipping a toe in the water to see if it’s safe to open up. So if your buddy’s cracking jokes about his mental state more than usual, it might be his way of saying he’s struggling without saying it.

When the moment’s right, ask him what’s really going on. Be upfront but casual: “Hey, you’ve been joking about this a lotᅳare you actually alright?”

4. Again… And Again

Just because you’ve had one deep conversation doesn’t mean the issue’s solved. When someone’s wrestling with suicidal thoughts, it’s easy for them to slip back into thinking no one cares. This will be a process for them, and you being a part of it will help.

Keep checking inᅳwhether it’s a text, a quick call, or grabbing a coffee together. Even a simple, “Hey, how’s it going today?” can remind him that he’s not alone in this.

5. The right response

Is he stressing about something practical, like work or money where some budgeting advice could be welcome? Or is it something emotional where he just needs to vent and feel heard? Knowing the difference helps you respond better.

Sometimes, practical help can lighten the load, but that isn’t always the case and If you jump into “fix-it” mode when all he wants is a sounding board, it might frustrate him more. So ask yourself: Does he need advice or just a good listener right now?

6. Direct, but decent

If you think your friend’s dealing with suicidal thoughts, don’t dance around the topic. It’s going to be a little uncomfortable initially, but it’s way better to ask directly than to avoid it. You could say something like, “Sometimes when people feel overwhelmed, they think about suicide. Have you been feeling that way?”

You won’t be giving him ideas. What you’ll actually be doing is opening the door for a conversation he’s probably scared to start on his own.

7. Help Him Reconnect With Life

When life gets overwhelming, a guy’s first instinct might be to withdraw from everything he once loved. That’s where you come in. Suggest doing stuff he used to enjoyᅳcatching a rugby game, watching a movie, even just going for a walk. Keep it low-pressure but show him life’s still got things worth sticking around for.

You don’t need to plan anything extravagant. Just make it about something you know he likes, and those little moments can help him feel connected again.

Final Word

You don’t have to have all the right answers. You just need to engage, listen, and keep showing up. Everyone’s got their own battle to fight, but your presence could be what makes all the difference. Keep it consistent, keep it real, and don’t underestimate the power of just being there.

Remember, you aren’t alone, and if you need support in supporting people there are many organisations and experts that are out there to assist you. Helpu has a database of support that aid available within wales – from Men’s groups to mental health charities, we can connect you to the best tool for you.